Alaboutnothing Official Blog

August 6, 2018

The Great Part of Getting Old – The Senior Pass Card

 Many of my friends ask me for meditations that would make them younger and there are a few, but it takes focus and belief.  Besides if God wanted you to stay young looking he/she would have knocked you off when you were young and reincarnated you for your next life.  We have said over and over that we have had an awesome life while we were young and even though our body has aged our mind is stuck at around 35 years old in our thoughts. Now sometimes this becomes and issue because our body will not do what our mind wants to like jumping over that saw horse in the backyard.  Of course we could jump over the sawhorse (Maybe), but immediately upon landing pull out my cell phone that is lodged in our butt and call 911 if we are still conscious.  So we stay in the moment and we stay focused and aware.

Not many people know that when you retire you automatically get a “Senior Pass Card”.  In case you don’t know what a Senior Pass Card is, it’s the card that you use when you go to the airport and act like you can barely move.  The airline attendant will call someone to wheel you to the gate in a wheelchair zipping through security and when you get to the gate you get on the plane first no matter what your ticket boarding group is.  Just be sure when the fight is over you don’t do cartwheels leaving the arrival gate, you must keep the “act” up until your 10 miles away from the airport.  The people leaving the airplane after you will turn you report you in a heartbeat because they had to fight for overhead luggage space and had to wait until in line for Group Z to be called to board.  We have talked with friends who forgot and when they were going on another flight they were stopped at the ticket counter.  The attendant pulled up a picture of you practically running off the last plane you were on and departing the gate.  Yes folks, they were reported and pictures were taken.  Now they had to beg for a wheelchair and their boarding pass said “After all the passengers and spare luggage was boarded, this person can crawl on board”.  They also make you wear a beanie that has an arrow pointing down and sewn on the front “Senior Pass Card Revoked”.

The Senior Pass also works at restaurants, grocery store, DMV, basically anywhere there is a line.  Just make sure you take a cane with you and then do the “act”.  The best place to use it is Disneyland where the lines are hours long and the handicapped is only a few minutes long.  Beware here!  You get caught “faking” in a Disney line and they will drag you to “It’s a Small World” and tie you behind the scenery and make you stay for six hours.  They tape your eyes open, clean your eras every two hours, and tape your mouth with duct-tape.  After six hours they rip the duct-tape off your mouth and release you to go out into the park.  If you don’t wobble like you’re delusional, they take you back for another four hours.  All reports from family members saying you are lost in the park are destroyed, but they tell the family they are looking for you.  They say to the family “Why don’t you leave your cell phone number and we will call you when we find them?”  The family usually gets a call from Disney after they get back to the hotel and are in the middle of dinner right when the entrée is served. (So you wait another hour or two depending on where you are in the will) We used Disney here, but situation applies to all adventure parks, except for “Small World”, which is replaced by a ride with a catchy tune playing.  We have to warn you again her that when you depart the ride move very slowly departing.  There have been some reported near lynching mobs when Senior Pass Card riders have sped off the ride and the riders who waited six hours saw them and shouted to the others you were faking.  It’s a dangerous game we play, but if you are good at it the perks are great.

Warning I – Never us the Senior Pass Card at your doctor or when in the hospital because they know about that ploy.

Warning II – See the guy in the picture (Not me) at upper left with thumb up?  Never do this pose when kicking in the in The Senior Pass Card act!

We have nothing else to report except to pray that some day these old typing fingers will be replaced by a sweet young secretary that will volunteer her time to help us do your posts. Hopefully “Baby Boomers” will know about what we are talking about in this post, but if we educated some readers then we have done our job.  Happy card playing you guys!

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