Alaboutnothing Official Blog

September 23, 2009

How to get on a Reality Show

reality-tv2

 I have been watching reality shows for a few years.  The main shows I watch are “Ice Road Truckers”, “Deadliest Catch”, “Extreme Loggers”, and just recently, “Swords”.  The one thing all the characters on these shows have in common is “They ALL whine.” They take “whining” to the highest level and the best of the best on these shows is the commentator.  When the characters begin to taper off on whining the commentator jumps in and starts projecting on everything that can go wrong will go wrong.  As the show progresses the commentator points out what one of the characters is doing while you watch and tells you what that person is doing wrong or “might” be doing wrong.

  There is some general whining that covers all of the shows.  Like for example “I have been up for 48 hours about to fall asleep standing.”. “What do they expect, I am new.”, I miss my family.”, “If I don’t get home soon I will go crazy.”, “How can I work in this terrible weather?”, “It’s to cold.”, “It’s to hot.”, “We are not making any money because Joe parted his hair on the wrong side of his head.”, Yada, Yada, and Yada.

  Now if you really want to get on one of these shows you need to specialize your whining.  If it’s “Deadliest Catch” or “Swords” you need to study the art of fishing in the ocean.  “Swords” is a new reality show and I think all they did was use the old scripts from “Deadliest Catch” because they sound like they are using the same whines.  “We are not catching any fish because the captain does not know what he is doing.”, “How can the captain expect us to work in this storm?”, This is storm is making the deck slippery and it’s getting too dangerous to work.”, “I am a greenhorn, what do they expect from me?”, “If everybody would work as a team we could get rich in just a few weeks.”, and Yada, Yada.  On “Extreme Loggers”, “The “skidder” is broken and I can not get loaded.”  The saw broke and we are at a standstill”, “That 10 ton tree almost hit me when it fell.”  “The boss wants me to climb to the top of that 200 foot tree and cut the top off.”, and Yada, yada.  On “Ice Road Truckers”, “If I go too fast I could end up in a ditch or run off the side of a cliff.”, “The heater is not working in this rig.”, “The road is a sheet of ice and my tires are losing there traction.”, “I have to be in Nogascatuwan by midnight tonight with this load.”  “It’s snowing so hard I can barely see past the hood of my truck.”,  and Yada, Yada.

  It’s probably fairly easy whining about the job, but what these characters are really good at is whining about making tons of money in a short period of time and how dangerous their job is.  I wonder if it ever dawned on them that the more dangerous the job the more money they make.  I don’t think so because the whine about making thousands of dollars in just a few weeks.

  So now go out and find a really dangerous job where you make tons of money is a short period of time, study the industry and get to specializing your whines so you can zero right in on the subject matter.  Be sure to study the history of the industry and the disasters so you can have something to refer to if you get so good at whining you become a commentator.  When the show slows down they always go back to something terrible that happened in a given industry history.  For example on “Swords” they mention “The Perfect Storm” on every show and sometimes several times during each show.  They always compare it to what is currently taking place and they always find a crew member or two who was “fishing” in the same decade as when the storm took place.

  Now, go out there and get that great job and don’t forget where you got the tips on your new career.  Be sure to mention the “Alboutnothing” when you’re on camera spewing out the greatest whines in the history of reality TV.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: